Got a toothbrush?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
