Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
