Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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