it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
