my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
