I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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