well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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