just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
