who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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