Taylor Swift is so right about you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i love accidental penises.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
