beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
