we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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