I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
