Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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