no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
