last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
