with your own penis?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
