You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
