Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
