i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
