i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
