Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
