Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize