went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
