I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
