i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize