Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
