p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
