I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
