You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
