I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
