so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
