plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
