I think I died a long time ago.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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