He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
