His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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