My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
