Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
