just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
