Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
