I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
