does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
