how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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