You made me cry and you don't even care
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
