Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
