Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize