An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
