You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
