just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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