Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
