I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Pants are for mortals
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
