White coat. Heels.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
