I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
