whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
