Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
