I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
