I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
