Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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