Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
