I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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