That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Quick, to the slutcave!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
