some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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