I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
