my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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