wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
