I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
