I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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