wrigley field is MILF paradise
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
