my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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