I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
