Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
