i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
