Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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