it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and she was petting her beer can
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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