woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
