Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
