i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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