good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
