The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
