Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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