Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
