so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize