Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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