I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
