i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
