My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
false alarm, still single
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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