dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
