I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
