i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
