My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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