I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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